For Children

Good touches and bad touches

A very important, need-to-know topic for little ones is touching. Touching can be a way of showing love, friendship and affection. But it is important to know the difference between touching that is good and touching that is bad.

What are good touches?

Good touches are those touches that make us feel safe and happy. These are touches from people we trust and love. Here are some examples of good touches:

  • Hugs from parents, grandparents or close friends.
  • Kisses on the cheek from family.
  • Handshakes when we meet someone new.
  • Back pats of encouragement after we’ve done something well.
  • Pats on the forehead or back when we are sad or hurt and someone we trust is trying to comfort us.

These touches make us feel appreciated and loved by those around us.

What are bad touches?

Bad touches are those touches that make us feel uncomfortable, scared or unhappy. These are touches that are inappropriate and make us feel awkward. It is important to know that no one has the right to touch you in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable. Here are some examples of bad touching:

  • Touching intimate parts of your body, such as areas covered by your bathing suit, without your permission. These are touches that should never happen, unless they are necessary to help you wash or get medical help, and should only be premised on someone you trust.
  • Pushing or hitting that is meant to hurt or frighten you.
  • Forced hugs when you do not want to be hugged.
  • When someone touches you and makes you feel ashamed or confused, even if they seem playful or humorous to the other person.

How do we recognize bad touches?

Bad touches can be hard to recognize sometimes, especially if they come from someone you know. If a touch makes you feel uneasy, causes you discomfort or pain, it’s a sign that the touch is not good. You always have the right to follow your instincts and protect yourself.

What to do if someone touches you in a way you don’t like?

  1. Say “No!” – It is important to use your voice and say clearly that you don’t like what is happening. You can say “No!”, “Stop!” or “Don’t touch me!”
  2. Talk to a trusted adult! – Tell a parent, teacher, older sibling, or any adult you trust about what happened. It’s important to talk about it, even if you feel embarrassed or scared. The people around you are there to protect and help you.
  3. Get away from the person – If you feel uncomfortable or in danger, try to leave as quickly as possible. Find somewhere safe to go, such as near other children.
  4. Don’t feel guilty or ashamed – if someone has touched you in a way you don’t like, it’s never your fault. It is very important to remember this.

Remember: Your body belongs to you!

It is very important to know that you have control over your body. No one has the right to touch you without your permission, and you have every right to say “no” whenever you feel uncomfortable. It is brave and good to speak up when something is not right.

Remember to always pay attention to how you are feeling and talk to a trusted adult whenever you feel you need to. You are strong and you deserve to feel safe!

 

Bibliography:

Kidpower International, 2018.”Touch and Consent in Healthy Relationships.” Link: https://www.kidpower.org/library/article/consent/

 

Article by Ramona Cîrcu, activities coordinator