Violence against children cannot be properly analysed without a systemic understanding of the family context in which it occurs. In clinical and judicial practice, it is frequently observed that abused children come from families marked by domestic violence, in which the protective parent – often the mother – is, in turn, a victim of abuse at the hands of their partner. This overlap of forms of victimisation creates a climate of control, fear and power imbalance that undermines the victimised parent’s ability to intervene effectively to protect the child.

The specialist literature and extensive clinical observations all point to the same conclusion: a child’s exposure to domestic violence constitutes, in itself, a form of abuse, with profound effects on their emotional, cognitive and social development. At the same time, the dynamics of domestic violence – characterised by isolation, intimidation, coercion and economic or emotional dependence – severely limit the victimised parent’s autonomy and resources, reducing the realistic likelihood of them seeking help or leaving the abusive relationship.

In what follows, we will examine the forms and types of abuse that the parents of abused minors may themselves experience within the family.

Let us first look at how the various forms of spousal abuse are defined in the psychological literature, using as our source the “Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders,” 5th Edition (DSM-5, American Psychiatric Association, Callisto Publishing):

“Physical violence by a spouse or partner: This category should be used when, within the past year, there have been intentional acts of physical violence that resulted in or could have resulted in physical injury to one of the partners or acts intended to cause fear. Intentional acts of physical violence may include shoving, slapping, hair-pulling, pinching, restraining, jerking, throwing, biting, kicking, punching, or striking with an object, burning, poisoning, choking, strangling, holding the head under water, and using a weapon. Acts intended to protect oneself or one’s partner are excluded” (page 720).

“Psychological abuse by a spouse or partner: psychological abuse by a partner comprises deliberate verbal or symbolic acts committed by one partner which result in, or are likely to result in, significant harm to the other partner. This category should be used if the psychological abuse has taken place within the last year. Acts of psychological abuse include reprimanding or humiliating the victim; interrogating the victim; restricting the victim’s right to come and go freely; preventing the victim from accessing support (e.g., legal institutions, legal aid, protection or medical care); threatening the victim with physical harm or sexual assault; harming or threatening to harm people or things that are important to the victim; unjustifiably restricting the victim’s access to or use of financial resources; isolating the victim from family, friends or social support networks; stalking the victim; and attempting to make the victim believe that they have gone mad” (page 721).

Building on the framework set out in the DSM-5, we shall focus our attention on the forms of psychological violence perpetrated against the victimised partner, as acts of violence are more difficult for the authorities to detect, and also because the psychological effects can be profound and insidious, ranging from symptoms of anxiety and depression to damage to the victim’s sense of self and self-esteem.

Below we outline some of the most common forms of psychological abuse perpetrated against a partner within a marital or family relationship:

1. The systematic belittling and destruction of self-esteem – which may take the form of: insulting, humiliating, constantly criticising or ridiculing the victimised partner – can have the following potential psychological consequences: a loss of self-confidence on the part of the victimised partner, as well as a loss of confidence in their own abilities, skills and autonomy, which may further lead to a reduction in their capacity to make independent decisions for their own good and that of their child;
2. Inducing guilt and placing blame on the victimised partner – through this coercive, controlling behaviour, the abusive partner shifts the blame and responsibility onto the victimised partner, who then internalises these emotions in the form of pathological self-blame (for example: ‘You provoked me into hitting you because you never listen to what I say’);
3. Intimidation and instilling fear – this can take more direct or more indirect forms; it may involve a threatening tone of voice, intimidating glances, intimidating para-verbal or non-verbal behaviour, unpredictable outbursts of anger, the destruction of objects, and aggressive behaviour directed specifically at the victimised partner or the child; this form of psychological violence often manifests in combination with the abuse–reward cycle, a pattern of abusive behaviour described below;
4. The cycle of abuse and reward – in abusive relationships, the alternation between episodes of abuse and periods of apparent calm or reconciliation, as described in the cycle of violence formulated by Lenore Walker, creates a context of unpredictability and chronic stress that affects the victim’s partner’s ability to anticipate and control the situation. Repeated exposure to this type of cycle fosters the development of learned helplessness, a concept described by Martin Seligman, in which the person comes to perceive that they have no real control over the consequences and that any attempt at resistance is futile or risky. In this context, the victimised partner may develop adaptive survival strategies, including behaviours aimed at calming or appeasing the abusive partner, through which they attempt to reduce the risk of triggering a new abusive episode and to maintain a minimum level of psychological safety for both themselves and the child;
5. Control over behaviour and autonomy – this form of psychological coercion may involve the following behaviours on the part of the abusive partner: control over money, control over the phone or communications, the imposition of strict rules, excessive monitoring of the victim’s time and daily life, all aimed at exercising control over the victim and reducing their chances and opportunities to leave the abusive relationship;
6. ‘Gaslighting’ is a form of psychological manipulation in which someone makes you doubt your own perception, memory or reality, with the aim of maintaining control. Gaslighting in romantic relationships takes very typical forms, as it occurs within a context of emotional attachment and trust. The aim is usually to exert control, avoid responsibility or maintain power within the relationship. In romantic relationships, gaslighting can manifest as: the denial of obvious facts (the abusive partner denies things that clearly happened, which can result in the other partner losing confidence and certainty in their own perceptions and opinions); downplaying the partner’s emotions (the abusive partner leads the other to believe that their emotional responses are exaggerated or unjustified); shifting the blame onto the victimised partner (the victim becomes the abuser); undermining the partner’s self-confidence (the abusive partner’s critical or hurtful comments weaken the other person’s confidence in their own decisions and judgement); alternating manipulation with affection, leading to emotional and cognitive confusion (the abuser alternates between violent and affectionate behaviour). The long-term effects of gaslighting on a partner may mainly stem from the fact that the partner ends up: doubting their own intellectual abilities, losing self-confidence, constantly seeking validation from their partner, and becoming easier to control.
7. Emotional control and the invalidation of emotions. From a theoretical perspective, emotional control is a form of psychological control manifested through a repetitive pattern of behaviours, such as the invalidation of emotions, the induction of guilt, the selective withdrawal of affection, and unpredictable emotional and behavioural reactions, the effect of which is to influence the way in which the victimised partner perceives and expresses their own feelings (for example: ‘Why do you feel hurt? Is it all in your head? I’ve been hurt by you; I’m the one who should be angry’). This can lead to: the development of emotional hypervigilance, self-censorship and compliant or conciliatory behavioural responses aimed at self-protection, which consequently reduce the likelihood that the victimised partner will stand up for themselves and seek help outside the abusive relationship.

Bibliography:

American Psychiatric Association. ‘Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders’, 5th Edition, Callisto, 2016

Walker E. L. ‘Battered Woman: An Authoritative and Compassionate Guide to Escaping Abuse and Reclaiming Your Life’, William Morrow Paperbacks, 1980

Article written by Patricia Aramă, clinical psychologist and expert psychologist, specialising in the assessment and forensic psychological evaluation of children